I'll Cry These Tears
by squaredancer
Summary: Lily and James are the most unlikely couple... Lily loathes James and his friends, does everything she can to get them in trouble, catch them out late at night... but James is in love with Lily... can he convince her his way is the right way?
1. Detentions and Assignments

"Where the hell is Potter?" Lily asked Amelia angrily, pacing back and forth in the Common Room. "He knows he has a detention with Professor Trellis in the dungeons! He knows I am supposed to collect him... Gods! He even knows it's me who will get in trouble when he doesn't show!"  
  
"I'm sure he'll be along soon," Amelia answered, peering over the top of her book. "He had Quidditch practice didn't he?" she inquired, just as a red-faced James came bounding through the portrait hole closely followed by Sirius.  
  
"Finally you decided to show your face," Lily said acidly, glaring at James. He merely shrugged and ruffled his hair, making it messier. "You have a detention... remember?!"  
  
"Oh..." James groaned, realization dawning on his face. He sprinted up the stairs to get changed, leaving Lily more annoyed than ever in the Common Room. Sirius watched in amusement as Lily tapped her foot impatiently, waiting for James. She was already half way out of the portrait hole when he stumbled down the stairs and after her.  
  
"Evans, wait!" he cried, catching up to her. "I'm sorry I'm late, I completely forgot!"  
  
"What ever, Potter," she snapped and kept walking, not looking at him once. They walked down to the dungeons in silence... an icy silence thanks to Lily's glacial demeanor. She was really annoyed.  
  
"Don't be mad, Evans. I really did forget," James told Lily sincerely when they reached the dungeons.  
  
"I don't want to hear it Potter," she answered blankly. "What you do in your own time is your business. I don't care. Just as long as I don't get into trouble by your own lack of responsibility." She opened the door to the dungeons and entered before James could say another word. He followed quietly.  
  
"Ah, you two finally decide to show your faces," Professor Trellis regarded them frostily.  
  
"Sorry, Professor," James said, stepping forward and ruffling his hair. "I was late from Quidditch practice. It wasn't Lily's fault." He glanced hopefully back at Lily.  
  
"Is this true?" Professor Trellis asked Lily. Lily looked from Professor Trellis to James.  
  
"Yes," Lily answered blandly.  
  
"Very well then. Potter, 10 points from Gryffindor for being late and I will be seeing you next Thursday evening also. You may leave, Evans."  
  
Lily left without a glance at James, satisfied that he would be spending another night in detention thanks to her but also slightly irked that he had not received a more demanding punishment. She didn't feel cleaning cauldrons was enough.  
  
When she finally got back to the Common Room it was ten to nine.  
  
"That took a while," Amelia commented when Lily trudged through the portrait hole. "Was Potter more hassle than usual?"  
  
"I swear, Amelia, I don't know how he manages to walk from class to class everyday. His head must be so heavy that he is doing incredible strain on his neck!"  
  
Amelia giggled, putting down her book. "Either that or his head is so full of air that he floats from class to class."  
  
"Now, girls," Sirius interrupted them. "That's not nice."  
  
Lily rolled her eyes. "Black, you're no better. Don't flatter yourself." She turned and went up the stairs to the girls dormitories, leaving Sirius and Amelia in silence.  
  
"What does she have against James?" he asked Amelia. "What's he done to her?"  
  
"Well," Amelia answered rudely, "it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean."  
  
Sirius scowled at Amelia as she bounded up the stairs after Lily. "You should have expected that, Sirius," Remus interrupted Sirius' thoughts.  
  
"And why is that?" he asked, annoyed.  
  
"Because that is exactly what James said to Lily after the exams last year about Snivellus."  
  
"So? James has said much worse about Snivelly than that and me much worse than James ever could. It doesn't seem a good reason to loathe him."  
  
"Girls are complicated creatures," Remus answered good-naturedly.  
  
"Annoying is a better way to put it," Sirius contemplated bitterly, scowling at a bunch of fourth years who were watching him adoringly.  
  
"Lily Evans isn't annoying," Remus defended her. "Once you get past the 'hating Prongs' demeanor she's very nice."  
  
"Yea, and when you get past the 'irritating' demeanor, those fourth years are actually very intellectually challenging." Sirius rolled his eyes.  
  
"That is a bad example. Everyone knows those fourth years can't string two sentences without saying the 'like' every second word."  
  
"Exactly my point, Moony."  
  
*  
  
"Hey, Evans!" James called cheerfully from the Gryffindor table at breakfast the next morning. She rolled her eyes and kept walking. She was definitely not in the mood for Potter this morning. "Evans!" he cried nonetheless, watching in amusement as her face changed from happy to annoyed in about two seconds flat.  
  
"You are so good at annoying that girl," Peter smirked as she walked past, ignoring them.  
  
"I've always said it's one of Prongs finer traits," Sirius laughed, ignoring the glare that was coming from James.  
  
"I'm not trying to annoy her," he whined. "Despite appearances, I'm just trying to get her to like me. But everything I do only makes her hate me more."  
  
"Maybe you should stop trying then?" Remus asked from behind his book.  
  
"Yeah," Peter spluttered his mouth full of toast. "If it's not working at all then it isn't worth it."  
  
"I agree with Wormtail. If she wants nothing to do with you, then it's not up to you to change her mind." Sirius clapped James on the shoulder and Remus laid down his book, watching James.  
  
"Actually, Sirius is right," Remus said and James started choking on his beans.  
  
"Hey!" Sirius barked, feigning insult. "It's not that uncommon for me to be right!"  
  
"How is he right?" Peter asked, bewildered.  
  
"Well, it's not up to James to change Lily's mind. It's up to Lily to change her own. If you stop trying she might let down her defenses a little and see that you aren't as conceited as you seem." With that, Remus picked up his bag and left the hall, claiming he had left something in the common room.  
  
"Hey!" James said moments later. "I don't seem conceited... do I?"  
  
*  
  
"Today we'll be looking at Animagi," Professor McGonagall told the sixth year Gryffindor's. "I'm sure you all know what an Animagi is, having seen me in my Animagus form several times, but what you will not know is how dangerous and difficult it is to do it."  
  
Lily sighed fixedly as she listened to Potter and his friends snigger behind her.  
  
"What is so funny?" Amelia hissed at Lily, getting fed up.  
  
"Silence," Professor McGonagall snapped and continued with the lesson. "Attempting to change into another creature is a very dangerous transformation, extremely arduous even for the most experienced of witches and wizards. It should only be attempted in controlled situations, and you must be registered by the Ministry of Magic. Attempting to become an Animagus without being registered will result in up to four years imprisonment in Azkaban. If you survive that is."  
  
The four boys in the back seats suddenly quietened the only sound in the room a grave cough made by Sirius.  
  
Amelia put her hand up. "Yes Miss Bones?" McGonagall asked.  
  
"Will we get a chance to attempt Animagus in class?" An excited whisper passed through the students.  
  
"No, we most certainly will not," McGonagall answered sharply, her eyes whipping to the four Marauders in the back. "It would be absolute chaos. Although I am prepared to talk to any students who might wish to attempt it once they leave school," she added as an afterthought.  
  
This time Lily put her hand up. "How old must you be to get registered and be allowed to attempt it?"  
  
Professor McGonagall considered for a short while before answering. "For any witch or wizard, the standard age is 19 years. However, that can be overruled depending on a person's experience and schooling. For instance, that age might be lowered for a student who was completely serious about attempting to become an Animagus and had outstanding school records. But in saying that, if a person who had less than appropriate school records were to apply that age might be increased."  
  
"Hear that Peter?" Lily heard Sirius laugh behind her. "You won't be able to apply until you're at least thirty!" They all burst out laughing, Peter included, receiving glares from both McGonagall and Lily.  
  
"Potter, Black, Pettigrew and Lupin!" Professor McGonagall snapped, losing her temper. "I will be seeing you all in here Monday evening. Is that clear?"  
  
"Yes, Professor," they mumbled.  
  
"Now as I was saying," McGonagall continued. "I will be putting you into pairs for an assignment. You must hand in 18 inches of parchment - yes I said 18 Mr. Black – on at least six different people who attempted the Animagus transformation but didn't succeed for one reason or another. Due in on Tuesday."  
  
"Tuesday?" Sirius hissed.  
  
McGonagall started calling out names to be paired together. "Avery – Bones, Black – Evans, Lupin – Longbottom, Pettigrew – Potter..."  
  
After they had all seated themselves next to their partners, Lily and Sirius very begrudgingly, McGonagall explained the last of the assignment before announcing that class was dismissed.  
  
"Can you believe the gall of that woman?" Sirius asked bitterly. "Giving us that big an assignment, three days to do it and pairing me with Evans?"  
  
"Well you have Evans, Sirius. Think about it. It will get done properly."  
  
"Yes... her way and everything will be researched down to how to spell the word 'Animagus'. I'll see you guys next week, I'll no doubt be in the library all weekend."  
  
Lily pushed past them and turned to look at Sirius, walking backwards and glaring at him. "I can assure you, Black, that I know exactly how to spell 'Animagus', and you need not worry." She turned and walked off, Amelia throwing Sirius a very nasty look.  
  
"Good one, Padfoot," James congratulated, rolling his eyes.  
  
* 


	2. What a Trying Week

center***  
  
bI'll Cry These Tears/b  
  
Chapter 2 – What a Trying Week!  
  
***/center  
  
"That was a really horrible thing for Sirius to say about you," Amelia glowered, following Lily back to the common room.  
  
"It doesn't matter, Amy, I really couldn't give a flying pig what he thinks." Lily smiled benevolently. "I don't need his help on the assignment anyway."  
  
"That's completely not the point. He owes you an apology!"  
  
"Amy, just drop it. I'm not asking for an apology and he's not asking for me to forgive him. Sirius Black doesn't work that way. If he doesn't like someone, he doesn't like someone. He makes it known to the world." Amy looked doubtful.  
  
"If he's exactly like that, then why do so many girls drool over him and call him one of the nicest guys at Hogwarts?" Amelia watched Lily think, waiting expectantly.  
  
"Don't know. Maybe they're all gullible?"  
  
Amy rolled her eyes and pulled her book out of her bag, sitting down on the couch in front of the fire and opening it at her previously dog-eared page. "Maybe. But he must have at least some particle of nice in him if they all think so."  
  
Amelia quickly shut up as the Marauders walked into the common room, Sirius looking especially guilty. He glanced up and locked sight with Lily, his eyes full of compunction. He began to walk over, but Lily turned and walked up the stairs to the girls' dorms without a backward glance.  
  
Lily thought Sirius was just as bad as James, if not worse. Both incredibly arrogant, big-headed, liked to throw their weight around, just basically being gits. She quickly grabbed her stuff off from her dorm and ran to the showers, shivering with cold.  
  
She turned the shower on hastily, hopping in when the water finally warmed up. She relaxed as she felt the red-hot water cascading over her back and relaxing her muscles. She could feel the rigidity of her back and shoulders lessening and reposing. Lily enjoyed having showers immensely.  
  
Having a shower somehow seemed to take her away from the rest of the world, pulled her out from the constant cycle of everyday life and gave her a different perspective. If something was bugging her she would leave for a prolonged placid shower and have a long hard think about her problems.  
  
Half an hour later, she stepped out of the shower feeling thoroughly better. Some girls had a good hard cry when life got them down, Lily Evans simply went for a long shower. She knew what she was going to do. She wasn't going to let Potter or his little friends bug her anymore, no matter what lengths they went to. Enough was enough; she had spent too much time trying to get them to listen.  
  
/center  
  
"Evans?" Sirius said cautiously in the library the next day, as he pulled up a chair next to her.  
  
"What do you want?" she snapped, flicking through a textbook.  
  
"I just wanted to... erm... apologize about the other day..." He waited anxiously, desperately hoping that Lily would forgive him. She looked him square in the eye.  
  
"You're forgiven, Black. But if you don't mind I have a lot of work to do." Turning back to her book, she waved her hand towards the door of the library. "Quidditch pitch is that way."  
  
Sirius smiled wryly. "I'm not going to the Quidditch pitch," he announced and pulled out some parchment, quill and ink from his satchel, placing them on the large oak table. He then picked up one of the books Lily had selected and began scanning through it for information.  
  
"Suit yourself," she snapped and ignored him.  
  
Three hours later, exhausted and pleased with her work, Lily slammed her book shut. She shot a triumphant look at Sirius who was still immersed in 'Animagus Gone Awry'. He glanced up and looked at her closed book.  
  
"Have we finished?" he asked, quietly closing his also.  
  
"Almost," she answered bleakly, picking up the seventeen and a half inches of writing. "Another half an inch and we'll be done."  
  
Sirius nodded. "I'll finish it," he concluded, leaning over and snatching the parchment before she could protest. Lily looked as if she were about to give a snide comment but she clamped her mouth shut, looking doubtful.  
  
"You're sure?" she asked finally, gathering up her things and putting them in her satchel.  
  
"Positive," he answered, giving her a dazzling smile. The smile he was famous for. Lily couldn't help but smile back. She stood up and nodded Sirius goodbye before leaving the library.  
  
She walked back in silence, contemplating what had happened in the library with confusion.  
  
Sirius had been nice to her... even smiled. He had offered to finish the project, apologized about the previous day and gotten on with his homework without complaint.  
  
Lily felt the sudden urge to run to the hospital wing and tell of Black's symptoms to Madame Pomfrey. Perhaps she would be able to explain his strange behavior towards her better than her own brain was doing.  
  
She walked through the portrait hole door and was relieved to find that she was alone in the common room. The last thing she needed was company, she just felt like being isolated, alone. If only for a little while.  
  
iWhat a trying week I've had! Only three weeks ago I was at home, blissfully unaware of the torments school would have on me when I got back. Not the school, that's easy enough, but the people. The idea of mingling with the other students again is daunting. Don't get me wrong, I have no problems with making friends, being friendly or talking to other people. It's the acting the way I'm not, pretending stupid things matter and dealing with people I don't like that I wasn't looking forward to. And this week it came in full swing.  
  
First it was Potter. Again. Getting the sixth years into trouble in Potions, scoring himself a detention and making me the escort... then he head the nerve to be late, almost getting me in trouble too. He remained the ignorant big head all throughout Transfiguration yesterday, talking all through the lesson and making it hard for anyone to concentrate on what Professor McGonagall was telling us about Animagi. She even hinted that it was going to be a major part of our exams at the end of the year!  
  
Then I was paired with Black for one of the biggest assessments of the year, and he had the audacity to say it would be hell studying with me! The nerve of him. If anything, I should be woeful for having to study with him! Although today wasn't as bad. He did apologize and it seemed sincere. You can never be too sure though. Hmm... the bright light of my day? Let me think.  
  
I hate to admit it, but I think it may have been when Black gave me that dazzling smile just before I left the library. I usually hate to see him giving that smile to other girls as he flirts and walks past, but I have never been on the receiving end of one. I think I may have begun to understand why girls admire him so much. Although I would rather die than admit that to anyone, it's true. And it hurts my pride slightly to know that I think that way. But... maybe he isn't as bad as I thought he was after all?/center  
  
James walked into the common room alone. He breathed in deeply. Too much attention made James feel crowded and sometimes it felt good to just walk into an empty room. No one fawning over him, no one admiring him, glaring at him, sighing at him. Sometimes it was just too much. He had been practicing catching the snitch on the Quidditch Pitch while Peter watched on in awe. He chuckled as he remembered Peter's amazed face. That boy was so easy to please. The chuckle ended abruptly when he saw a flame of red hair glinting on the cushions of the couch beside the fire.  
  
He tiptoed over and watched Lily intently, loving the way the firelight licked over her hair, highlighting it and making it look as if it we dancing. Her face, so peaceful and serene as she slept and her eyelashes, a dark black against her pale white face. Her lips were full and instead of the soft pink he usually admired, they were a beautiful red because of the light. He wondered why she was so beautiful to him. No one else ever seemed to take much notice of Lily but her hair was hardly unnoticeable.  
  
It was by far the reddest, brightest head of hair than anyone else at Hogwarts and her eyes were the most vibrant green he'd ever seen. He saw Lily everywhere he went even when he didn't want to, which seldom ever happened. Even if she wasn't anywhere to be found her image was imprinted in his memory. But something else caught his eye, distracting him from his thoughts and itching his curiosity.  
  
Her diary... lying open in her arms. He leaned over, eager to catch a glimpse of her neat handwriting, cursive and girlish. It was open on a new page, only one line written and it was obviously carried over from the previous page. i"maybe he isn't as bad as I thought he was after all?"/i  
  
James smiled inwardly and walked away, his insides squirming happily.  
  
/center  
  
Please Review!  
  
I won't continue if I don't have at least 15 reviews. I mean it! 


	3. Denial

~Authours Note~ Sorry about the strange punctuation mistakes in the last chapter, I'm working on getting that fixed :)  
  
***  
  
I'll Cry These Tears Chapter 3 – Denial  
  
***  
  
"Lily?" James shouted as he came bounding down the stairs from his dormitory. She was just about to step out of the common room and it was only curtesy that stopped her from ignoring James and continuing on her way.  
  
"What do you want, Potter?" She rolled her eyes impatiently as he strolled up nonchalantly.  
  
"I was just wondering if you'd consider escorting me to the Halloween dance next week?" he asked, waiting for her response anxiously and running his hand through his hair, messing it up more. He was hoping very much that he looked cool and aloof to any onlookers. To Lily herself.  
  
In all truth he was a bag of nerves. Being so close to her was wreaking havoc on James' senses. All he could smell was her... her signature scent that haunted his nostrils. The contours of her mouth, chin and nose were proving unbearable to look out with touching...  
  
Her beautifully vibrant voice brought him back to the present day, although not with the tone he had in mind.  
  
"Are you joking, Potter?" She scowled at him, turning her lip up in disgust. "I wouldn't accompany you anywhere, much less the Halloween dance!" She turned on her heel and pushed out of the common room, almost bowling over a group of second years who glared after her.  
  
Slightly shocked at Lily's reaction towards his invitation, James shook his head and ran his hand through his hair. He felt someone clap a hand on his shoulder supportively.  
  
"Well, you can't say you didn't give it your best, mate," Sirius reassured, yet somehow it didn't make James feel any better. He feigned a look of indifference on his face.  
  
"Oh well.. Another day, another girl. You know how it goes."  
  
Sirius nodded knowingly. "Yeah, except that one won't fall for it. She's proving harder to sway than you originally thought."  
  
James winced inwardly at Sirius' choice of words. Yes, he was trying to sway her, but it wasn't so he could go out with her for a week and dump her. He really liked Lily Evans. Really.  
  
***  
  
"Rose tells me that James Potter asked you to the Halloween dance," Amanda said later that afternoon. Lily fidgeted uncomfortably and gazed out over the lake.  
  
It had been the first nice day in weeks. It was getting closer and closer to Christmas and Christmas was bringing with it the nippy weather. Both Lily and Amelia were bound tight in warm robes and Gryffindor scarves.  
  
"So?"  
  
"What did you say?" Amelia asked, turning to look at Lily. She swatted at the dragonfly that flew beside her face and it buzzed off angrily, leaving them in silence apart from the whisper of the trees from the Forbidden Forest.  
  
"What do you think I said?" Lily snapped defensively. "I despise James Potter. That's a good enough reason not to accept his invitation to go to the dance with him."  
  
"Is it?" Amelia asked cryptically and Lily looked at her, mystified.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Nothing," Amelia muttered, watching some good looking seventh years make their way over to the two girls. She nodded towards them and Lily vowed to ask Amelia what she meant by her comment later.  
  
"Hi!" one of the boys greeted, venturing forwards. He stood beside Lily and looked down at her admiringly. "I... I've seen you around," he stuttered uncertainly and looked back at his friends for help. He was definitely cute, Lily concluded. A shock of blonde hair, docile blue eyes and a lopsided sort of smile. He looked friendly, and his friends, though a little more imposing looking, seemed genuinely excited for him.  
  
They nodded encouragingly and he turned back to Lily. "I... um, my name's John. I was wondering if you'd... well, if you'd like to be my date. To the Halloween dance that is." He watched Lily think, his face crumpled up in anticipation.  
  
Lily looked over to Amelia and she nodded fiercely. Lily smiled at the boy. "I'd love to, John," she answered with more confidence than she felt. At least this would show Potter she meant it when she said she didn't want to go to the ball with him. He smiled happily and pulled her up from the ground.  
  
"Um, I'll meet you outside the hall at... seven?"  
  
"That will be fine," Lily answered sweetly as he turned to leave. She sat back down on the grass a little shakily. Nothing like that had ever happened before. I wonder what house he's in, she pondered and turned to get another look at him. He was laughing heartily with his friends as they made their way back up to the castle.  
  
"That was very random," Amelia interrupted, looking at Lily proudly. "But I have to admit, I would give anything for some random person I've never seen before come up and ask me out." She looked out over the grounds in hope that perhaps another group of boys were coming over to ask her out. No such luck.  
  
"There's still time," Lily told her, a pang of happiness building in her stomach. She didn't even know the guy but the idea that he had asked her out gave a warm fuzzy feeling. No matter how hard the logical side of her told her to stop reacting to something so primitive as what she was feeling, she couldn't help it. She was only human, right?  
  
***  
  
James watched Lily from a seat on the far side of the common room as she wrote another entry into her diary. He couldn't help but think about the small part of the entry he had seen. He had simply assumed it was about him, but what if it wasn't? He had had it pretty easy when it came to Evans. He hated to admit it, but he would be gutted if she ever started a relationship with another guy. Luckily she never had and he was grateful.  
  
But if the entry had been about him, it didn't make sense. Why was she so against going to the ball with him? Perhaps she felt guilty because of all her years of hating him, mistrusting and despising him she felt that she couldn't change it? Couldn't make it different?  
  
And if it was really about someone else? Well, he hated to think about it. He didn't know why he cared so much. The pang of jealousy hadn't been created by anything, placed there by anyone or caused by something. It just... was. It simply existed in the pit of his stomach.  
  
He quickly looked away from Lily as Amelia caught him staring. She smiled slightly but didn't say anything before slumping down next to Lily. They started having an animated chat that Lily seemed to be very enthralled in. He loved the way her eyes danced in enthusiasm. Then it hit him... What was she so excited about? The only thing coming up was the ball and she didn't have a date anyway. Or at least not with him. What if she did?  
  
James shook his head vigorously, trying to shake the thought from his head. He listened hard, trying to catch some of the conversation but he couldn't hear a thing. He gave up resignedly and went up to his dormitory.  
  
"Oh well, the weekend didn't last as long as they usually do," Amelia sighed, gathering up her notes for Potions and standing up. "We have classes tomorrow, come on, we should get some sleep."  
  
Lily nodded in agreement, stifling a yawn. "Sure thing, Miss Dateless."  
  
Amelia scowled. "I'll find a date by the time the dance comes around, don't you worry about. What you should be worrying about is what you're going to wear so that your date falls absolutely head over heels in love with you."  
  
Lily chuckled and followed Amelia up the stairs, not seeing James Potter as he bent over to pick up his dropped quill, look utterly scandalised.  
  
***  
  
"You look lovely," John sighed as Lily clung to his arm, steering her inside the hall. Lily looked down at herself self-consciously, mentally cursing Amelia for making her wear what she was. Sure, the emerald green silk her dress was made of brought out her eyes and accentuated all the right curves, but she thought that the long, flowing sleeves and jewelled green mask were going a little over board.  
  
Especially when she was attending the dance with someone she had met only once AND he wasn't whom she would prefer to go with. She stole a glance over to where the Marauders were standing, blushing as she saw Sirius look her way. She looked away hastily, catching Amelia's eye in front with a group of other girls. Amelia gave Lily the thumbs up, her eyebrows waggling suggestively. Lily simply glared back. Then John pulled her attention away from Amelia by taking her hand and smiling shyly down at her.  
  
"Dance?" he asked, nodding towards the center of the Great Hall.  
  
"Hey Prongs," Sirius said, nudging James in the side. James turned from his animated argument with Remus about full moons to look at Sirius with annoyance.  
  
"What?" he snapped.  
  
"Look who's just walked in..." Sirius nodded on the direction of the dance floor.  
  
James took a large gulp from his glass of pumpkin juice as he watched Lily crossing the dance floor with her date. It was all he could do to stop from crying out. She was more beautiful than ever in her vibrant green robes, her bright auburn hair left loose and hanging down her back.  
  
She danced expertly, as if she had been doing it since she was an infant, her feet following the lead of her partners with ease. James' eyes darkened. The partner that was not him. It should be him in her arms. Him leading her across the dance floor. Him twirling her around in ecstasy. Not him standing on the sidelines brooding as the jealousy built up inside.  
  
He nodded gruffly to whatever it was Wormtail said to him, and watched Lily with her partner, enthralled by her grace, her beauty, her flawlessness. And her partner.  
  
He frowned, looking closely at him. James had seen him somewhere before.  
  
"You need to get your mind off of her," Remus whispered to James while Sirius and Peter were off getting drinks. "It will do you no good staring at her the whole night."  
  
James smiled wryly. He knew Remus was right. When was he ever wrong? He gave a resigned sigh before pointedly turning away, his back to the dance floor. And to Lily.  
  
Remus chuckled. "Well done, mate. You've taken the first step."  
  
"The first step to what?" Peter asked, confused as he handed James his drink.  
  
"The first step to recovery," Sirius grinned. "He has a problem. An obsession with Lily Evans."  
  
"I do not!" James answered defensively. "It's not an obsession!"  
  
"First stage," Remus said, a monotonous tone in his voice.  
  
"DENIAL!" Sirius, Remus and Peter said loudly together, attracting a few curious glances in their direction as James blushed furiously.  
  
The other three eventually changed their topic of conversation: the next series of pranks to pull on the Slytherins but strangely enough, James wasn't the slightest interested. He had gone back to watching Lily. He watched her laugh self-consciously with her date, watched her glare at Amelia while she made funny faces behind his back, and throughout it all, she still managed to be the most beautiful girl in the room, even when she pulled a face at the funny tasting seafood. Especially when she pulled a face at the funny tasting seafood. Ok... the other three were right. He was obsessed.  
  
But if this was obsession, he could live with it. If it meant being able to stare at Lily Evans day after day then he would probably live /i it.  
  
Then something else caught his eye for the first time that evening. A shock of long blonde hair, aristocratic features, evil smirk... Lucius Malfoy, seventh year. It wasn't so much that it was Lucius, but that it was Lucius laughing at Lily.  
  
Now why would Lucius laugh at Lily on tonight of all nights? When her beauty was flawless, her movements elegant? Unless...  
  
James jerked his gaze over to Lily's date. Where had he seen him before?  
  
"Would you accompany on a walk outside?" John asked Lily, a little bit more confidently and she nodded happily. Despite her worries about being stuck with John for a whole night and having nothing to say, he had proven a very interesting companion. There had been no shortage of conversation and none of the awkward silences that she had been dreading.  
  
John took her hand, leading her outside and onto the steps that usually lead down to the school grounds. Tonight though, it had taken on a transformation. There were waist high hedges all around, creating small places where people could sit and chat and little alcoves. Most every alcove had an elegant look ing stone bench, and in the middle, standing tall was a large stone figure of a dragon, water spraying from it's mouth like a river of fire.  
  
"Wow," she murmured looking around her in amazement. "They've really outdone themselves this year."  
  
"Really," John repeated, looking at Lily intently.  
  
Lily looked up into his intense gaze, blushing slightly. "That's what I said."  
  
He wants to kiss me! She thought frantically. She wasn't sure if she was up for this... she didn't go around letting people kiss her for meaningless thrills. It just wasn't her style. Maybe what John felt about her was more than meaningless? But that didn't matter, what she felt about him was! She wasn't after a relationship, or not with him at least. Maybe she was looking into this too much? It was just a kiss after all...  
  
"You're very beautiful," John said quietly, after she remained silent. He lowered his head towards hers and at the last moment Lily dodged out of the way, causing John to look at her in confusion. "I... I thought you liked me?"  
  
Lily frowned in frustration. "I do, it's... it's just that..."  
  
John let out a annoyed sigh and looked at her in contempt. "If that's the way you're going to be then I'll just have to take another approach." Lily looked at him in confusion.  
  
"Another approach to what?"  
  
"To utterly humiliating you in front of everyone." He grinned evilly and turned to go inside. Stupidly, Lily ran to follow him, her curiosity getting the better of her.  
  
"John, wait!" she called after him, about to ask him what he meant. He whipped around taking her by surprise. By now, quite a few pairs of eyes were on them.  
  
"I don't want you, Mudblood!" he said loudly, widening her eyes in surprise. "I would NEVER want to be with you, not in a million years! Go crawl back into the hole you came out of, you filth!"  
  
Then he stalked off, shooting a triumphant glance back at her. She stood, completely shell-shocked as the people around her began to whisper frantically.  
  
*** 


	4. I'm Sorry

***  
  
I'll Cry These Tears Chapter 4 – I'm Sorry  
  
***  
  
"Lily, wait up!" James cried, his voice barely heard of the din of the rest of the students. Lily ignored him and kept pushing through the thick of people, some looking at her sympathetically and others getting out of her way.  
  
"Lily!" he called again when Lily had burst through the doors and out into the deserted entrance hall, looking frantically for somewhere to hide. She wasn't in the mood for facing Potter right now. Hell, she wasn't in the mood for facing ANYONE!  
  
Okay, she was in the mood for seeing one person right now, but it would not be on pleasant grounds, nor would he come out of it unscathed. Just one measly chance at showing John, if that was even his name, that she could hurt him too and she would be satisfied. Or as satisfied as you could get after being utterly humiliated in front of the entire school. She slammed her fist into the wall for being stupid, not noticing the pain or the tingle as blood caressed the top of her knuckles.  
  
"Don't run away from me, Lily," James said quietly, coming up behind her. "I saw what happened."  
  
Holding back the tears, Lily turned to face him, putting all the vicious hatred for what had happened tonight into her voice. "I don't need your sympathy, Potter!"  
  
James looked sincerely hurt and Lily scalded herself. He didn't deserve her anger. He wasn't the reason she had been subject to this disrespect; he was only trying to help. At that thought her reserves softened a little.  
  
"Sorry," she said more gently, lowering her head. "I didn't mean to take your head off. I just want to be alone."  
  
James shook his head solemnly. "No you don't," he told her, placing two fingers under her chin and lifting her face to look at him. "You want to be with someone who will tell you it's alright, comfort you and mean it."  
  
Lily shifted uncomfortably, blushing. She had never been this close to James before – scratch that. She had never been this close to Potter before. It was unnerving her. She wondered if it was just the fact that she was so close to a male body that was causing her senses to be in chaos or if it was Potter alone. She had certainly never gotten all jittery around any other boy... then again she'd never been so close to any other boy.  
  
As if remembering what had just happened moments before, James pulled back and turned around, giving Lily a little time to regain her thoughts before his unwavering gaze returned.  
  
"I am genuinely sorry about what happened in there," James told Lily, turning back to face her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and she couldn't help give shiver in reaction. If he noticed he didn't show it. "I can't help but feel I could have prevented it somehow... That maybe I was somehow responsible?"  
  
Lily wrenched away from James and glared at him. "Responsible? How could you be responsible for something like that?"  
  
James looked at her in confusion. He had been trying to comfort her, why was she angry with him?  
  
"You think, James Potter, that just because you play a few lousy pranks, crack a few lame jokes that you have become the do all and end all! Everyone is out to get you, everyone else wants to be your friend/lover/confidant, simply because you are James Potter!"  
  
Lily's face was flushed with anger. "Poor Lily, she's just been humiliated in front of the whole school because that silly, mistreated Slytherin was out to get back at ME! James Potter! Did it ever occur to you that they just wanted a laugh? That they chose me because I'm a muggle-born and a Gryffindor to boot?"  
  
Lily paused, catching her breath in the silence, before looking at James' shocked face. "No, I didn't think so," she said, almost silently in comparison to the shouting of before. She turned and walked away from James, heading in the direction of Gryffindor Tower.  
  
Somehow, he had managed to stuff it up again. He sighed resignedly. Terribly, utterly and completely.  
  
***  
  
"Nope," Lily said as she walked past James in the common room, holding her hand in front of his mouth as he had been about to say something. "Say nothing, I'm not listening, might as well not speak, waste of breath," she ranted off, not pausing to let him interrupt.  
  
He followed her over to the large cushioned couch as she sat down and flipped open her diary. "I'm not going to leave you alone until you listen."  
  
Lily ignored him and began humming an annoying tune. She saw him move towards her out of the corner of her eye but she was not fast enough. She let out a cry of protest as her diary was wrenched from her fingers.  
  
"Potter, you give that back this instant!" she shouted, glowering at him. He looked up at her innocently.  
  
"I'm not going to read it, if that's what you're worried about," he reassured her. "I'm simply looking after it until you've heard what I have to say."  
  
Lily watched him suspiciously. "And if I don't listen?"  
  
James gave her a mischievous smile. "Well then." He began to open the diary in the middle. "Here looks like a good place to start..."  
  
Lily gave a squeak of panic and attempted to wrestle the diary off James, to no avail. Panting slightly, she straightened up and fixed her hair, which was now in complete disarray before giving him a look of pure loathing. "You have my attention."  
  
James sat back down on the couch and gestured for Lily to do the same. She did so, begrudgingly.  
  
"I don't think you quite got my point about what I was saying earlier," he began but was swiftly interrupted.  
  
"I can assure you Potter, I understood exactly what you mea--"  
  
"No. You didn't," James finished, his impatience becoming clear. Lily quickly shut up. "Like I said, I can't help but feel I could have prevented what happened somehow, NOT because I felt they were trying to get back at me, but because I saw you two before it happened. I knew I had seen him before and it wasn't before you both stepped outside that I realized who he was and what he must be up to."  
  
Lily was watching James and listening to him intently, not a word of criticism passed her lips.  
  
"I had seen him with Lucius Malfoy. He is one of his most favourable cronies. I can only hazard a guess that it was Lucius Malfoy's doing behind what happened tonight. I tried to warn you but there were that many people dancing and I was on the other side of the hall. If I had managed to reach you and warn you in time..."  
  
"I wouldn't have listened anyway," Lily finished, surprising him. "You aren't exactly high on my 'sure, lets just believe anything they say' list I'm afraid." James chuckled, lightening the mood.  
  
"But really, I am sorry," he added sincerely, leaning forward and catching Lily's lips off guard. For a moment she almost found herself about to kiss back but reined those silly desires, pulling away.  
  
"I really should go get some sleep," she told him, flustered. She stood up and walked over the stairs, turning around to find him staring dreamily into the flames of the fire. "J- Potter," she called, correcting herself in time, and he snapped his head in her direction. "I'm sorry... about earlier in the entrance hall." Then she was gone.  
  
***  
  
"Hey, don't kill the motor!" James said happily, up in the dormitory later that night. "What do I care that it was just an apology? It was an apology from LILY EVANS!"  
  
Remus nodded weakly. "He has a point, Padfoot. Never in a million years did I ever think I'd hear of Lily apologizing to James. Never. The chances of it happening in my own lifetime were even smaller. It's quite a big deal."  
  
"Miracles do happen," Peter said wistfully, frowning at his Potions homework. "Although, how you managed to get her to do it after kissing her, I have no idea. I would have expected you to be away from civilisation for a few years looking for your *ahemadultcontentahem* after she cut them off and hid them in the seven corners of the world."  
  
The room was filled with raucous laughter, Sirius rolling about on the bed before reaching over and patting Peter on the back. "Good one, Wormy!"  
  
James feigned a look of indignation on his face. "Ye of little faith."  
  
"Well, she has hated you for the best part of four and a half years..." Sirius reasoned. "You expect us to be avid followers of the 'Lily Evans/James Potter WILL get married, buy a house, have kids, grow old and live happily ever after' idea? Sorry if we disappoint you."  
  
"And again, another excellent point. Boy are you three on a roll tonight. Why can't you show this enthusiasm during class?" Remus dodged as three large, feather down pillows were thrown at him. "What?" he asked innocently.  
  
***  
  
There, another chapter finished. Sorry it's so short, but it will have to do :)  
  
Hope you enjoyed it! Don't forget to review!!! 


	5. Out After Bedtime

"So what are you doing these Christmas holidays if you aren't going back home?" Amelia asked, studying Lily intently. Lily loved going home. It wasn't like her to miss an opportunity to see her family. Not like her at all.  
  
"I plan on staying at school," Lily told her, matter-of-factly. "This is our second to last year, things are getting serious. I'm going to spend a few nights at the library studying. I just need some time to sort a few things through."  
  
"Things like what?"  
  
Lily averted her eyes and looked at the Charms book sitting in her lap. "Just a few things," she said evadingly.  
  
Amelia rolled her eyes. "Fine, don't tell me. But don't brood over it the entire holidays either. Do you know anyone who's staying as well?"  
  
"I think Remus is staying too. I'm not all that sure."  
  
Amelia studied Lily intently. "You'll be bored to tears if no one you know is staying behind!"  
  
"I'll survive," Lily answered smartly. "I'm used to spending the holidays practically by myself."  
  
Amelia looked puzzled. "By yourself?" she asked and Lily slapped her hand over mouth.  
  
"Nothing. It doesn't matter anyway. And hadn't you better carry on packing? It's almost time for bed and you leave early in the morning."  
  
Amelia decided to let Lily tell her what she had meant in her own time. Lily was like a mule. If you tug at its rope it will only dig it's feet in and pull back harder. She had to coax it out of her. "Yea, I suppose." She turned around and began throwing things into her trunk again, with Lily throwing the occasional item in also.  
  
"You know, you should probably put them in tidily. That way, you would be able to fit it in," Lily told Amelia as she bounced up and down on the lid of the trunk in a vain attempt to close it.  
  
"Well, you're the one who's good at Charms." Amelia stood up and gestured towards the trunk. "Do your stuff!"  
  
Lily looked slightly exasperated but complied none-the-less. Now, trunk packed and neatly closed, Amelia slumped onto her bed and eyed Lily carefully. "Are you sure you're going to be alright by yourself?" she asked, looking doubtful.  
  
"I'll be fine!" Lily snapped, gesturing for Amelia to drop it. "It's not like I've never been alone before... and anyway, I won't be alone. I have Remus!"  
  
"You have got a point. And you're more likely to enjoy his company more than mine," she added as and afterthought, smiling teasingly.  
  
"You know that's not true," Lily answered back, laughing. "I would rather stay with you any day except you're going to overseas to Paris. I would love to go to Paris someday. You're lucky."  
  
"Yes," Amy said, rolling her eyes. "Lucky to be spending six weeks with two annoying brothers and parents. Lucky me."  
  
***  
  
"Listen, I'll owl you at least twice a week and if you need anything just say." Amelia stopped walking towards the carriages that would take her down to the Hogwarts Express and turned to face Lily. "I'm serious, Lily. Anything. And another thing, if I hear you've been couped inside all day, I will have something harsh to say to you when I get back."  
  
Lily nodded blankly before brandishing a large smile. "You sound like my mother."  
  
Amy rolled her eyes. "Well, that wasn't quite what I was aiming for, but if it makes you do what I say then I suppose it will suffice."  
  
Lily waved farewell as Amelia slid into a horseless carriage followed by a few fourth years. She turned around as her carriage disappeared to see Sirius, James, Peter and Remus all exchanging goodbyes on the front steps.  
  
"We'll owl you as often as we can, Moony, but I'm not making any promises," Sirius grinned. "Girls to see, Quidditch to play, you know how it goes." James rolled his eyes behind Sirius' back, making Remus nod in agreement.  
  
"Anyway, we'll see you soon, Rem," Peter interrupted, clapping Remus on the shoulder and nodding over towards Lily. "It looks like Lily's staying to keep you company old boy." He smiled pleasantly at Lily and walked down the steps towards her.  
  
"Lily, could you do us a favour?" he inquired lightly. He waited for Lily to acknowledge him to carry on, unperturbed by her suspicious look. "See, Remus is a bit of a... shall we say... 'nocturnal animal'," he began, shooting dark looks over his shoulder as James and Sirius laughed raucously and a flush of red crept up the collar of Remus' robes. "And he tends to spend a little too much time indoors... in the library... reading... homework and the like. If you could please... get him outdoors, doing stuff a little, the Marauders would be eternally grateful."  
  
Peter, Sirius and James all looked at her anxiously, as if they were genuinely bestowing their trust upon her.  
  
"And what's in it for me?" she asked icily, glaring at James, knowing full well that she would do it anyway.  
  
"Erm..." Sirius thought for a moment. "The knowledge that you are... assisting in the bettering of a fellow student. Is that the right word? Bettering?"  
  
"Close enough," Peter replied, laughing. "We're going to miss the train if we don't hurry up."  
  
"Please Lily?" James pleaded, looking at her desperately. Maybe they really were serious?  
  
"Okay, sure. I'll make sure Remus gets his daily walk. I'll even throw him a bone if he likes," she answered sarcastically, not knowing why they all went quiet before bursting into laughter.  
  
"Thanks Lily," James said, putting his hand on her shoulder. "This means a lot to me."  
  
"I'm not doing it for you, Potter," she retorted, shrugging his hand off her shoulder and ignoring the hurt look in his eyes. "You're going to miss the train and heaven knows I do not want you hanging around for the duration of the holidays. Please, carry on your way."  
  
James sighed resignedly and turned to follow Peter and Sirius to the last carriage left. He glanced over his shoulder one last time at Lily and Remus backs retreating back into the castle. One day she'd be his. He'd make sure of it. Or die trying.  
  
***  
  
"Oh, no!" Lily said, rustling through her bag in search of something.  
  
"What's wrong?" Remus asked, peering over his book that he had just checked out from the library ten minutes ago. He was already really getting into it, just like Lily had been planning to go with her 'Magic in a Minute : Guide to quick cast charms to fix anything and everything'.  
  
"I've lost my locket! That was from my Grandmother, I couldn't bear it if I don't get it back." She looked around on the floor, desperately hoping she had only dropped it just then.  
  
"Perhaps you left it in the library?" he asked, removing the book and pillow from his lap and getting up to join the hunt. After scrambling around on the floor for a good ten minutes, Lily stood up resignedly.  
  
"Thanks, Remus, but you must be right. The only thing I can do is retrace our steps back to the library and hope it's there."  
  
Remus nodded, and started towards the portrait hole before Lily grabbed his arm, stopping him. "It's alright, Rem. I'll look for. I know you're dying to read that book."  
  
Remus glanced longingly back at the book and then to Lily. "You're sure?"  
  
"Of course," she replied, smiling brilliantly. "Knowing me, it's probably right outside the library door. I'll be back in no time."  
  
Remus nodded reluctantly but moved back towards his book all the same. Lily smiled knowingly before leaving the common room to scour the halls for her missing locket. She sorely wanted to get back and read her book as well, but the locket meant a great deal more to her.  
  
By the time she managed to get to the library it had been over quarter of an hour. But she was making slow progress, Lily told herself. She had been looking very carefully the whole way there. She tiptoed to the large double doors of the Library and held her ear against it. She was out of bed after curfew, you could never be too careful.  
  
Deciding no one was in there, she turned the hand and pushed one of the heavy doors open just enough for her to slip through. Luckily for her, the large lamps were still lit and she could see the table where Remus and her had been seated. She ran over and checked over the table, on the seats, under the seats and finally, she resignedly crouched onto her hands and knees to examine right underneath the table.  
  
And there was her locket. She gave a sigh of relief as she saw it glint at the far end of the floor and shuffled over towards it, picking it up and holding it lovingly in her hands. Get a grip! She scalded herself. It was only a piece of jewellery. But a piece of jewellery that held sentimental value.  
  
She heard footsteps making their way down the corridor towards the library and tensed up, sliding deeper into the darkness underneath the table. Luckily though, the footsteps passed and kept going. She hurriedly scrambled out from beneath the table and crept over to the door. Cautiously poking her head out and checking to see no one was waiting out there to catch her, she saw no one and sneaked out the door, closing it as quietly as she could behind her.  
  
She turned to make her way back to the common room but something stopped her. Something that was tall, slender, potently male and had an aristocratically handsome face pulled into an amused smirk.  
  
"Well what have we here? A mud-blood out after her bedtime." 


	6. Tell No one

"What do you want?" Lily asked Lucius Malfoy warily. One year above her, Malfoy had always seemed to go out of his way to harass any muggleborn student at Hogwarts, but seemed to enjoy tormenting her above all else. She reasoned that it was because she was the recipient of Potter's affections, the one person Lucius liked to plague above her.  
  
"What makes you think I want anything from you, mud-blood?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow up in amusement and taking a step closer. He looked her up and down, stopping on the fastening of her robes just below her chin. Lily followed his gaze down towards the clasp and then looked back up at him, but now he was looking her straight in the eye, face full of clarity yet still emotionless.  
  
"Well if you don't want anything I'll be on my way," Lily retorted and attempted to pass him. A hand shot from the pocket of his robes and grasped Lily's forearm strongly, preventing her from taking another step.  
  
"What if I don't want you to go anywhere?" he asked menacingly, his face less than three inches from hers, his expensive French scent so pungent it was making her feel faint.  
  
Lily shut her eyes for a moment, trying to regain her senses and, sensing her vulnerability, Lucius puller her close and claimed her lips savagely, ignoring the cry of alarm emanating from her throat.  
  
She struggled to get away, but years of playing James at Quidditch wasn't all for nothing. His strong arms enfolded her, pressing her hard against his torso while his ravaging tongue stole the breath from her lungs. One of his hands removed itself from her back and made a path down the side of her waist, bringing tears to Lily's eyes. She frantically tried to push it away but her hands, like her, were trapped in his embrace and useless to her.  
  
Finally his mouth released hers and she continued to struggle, still yet incapable of coherent speech. He puller her head close and nipped at her neck, drawing blood. She could feel him smile against her neck, her surroundings and every movement ludicrously clear to her senses.  
  
Lily thrust her head to the side, the teeth clanging collision with Lucius causing the pent up tears to free themselves and make tracks down her face. Swears sounded close to her ear where Lucius had been moments before, but Lily was only vaguely aware. Like the calm before the storm, everything was quiet except for her own feelings, bodily movements. The stabbing pain in her arm as Lucius twisted it behind her back, the throat-numbing scream that scathed out of her throat; though she wasn't quite sure it was hers.  
  
The screaming ended abruptly as a hand clamped across her mouth and her arm was pulled tighter behind her. She could feel the bones giving way, hear the distinct crack as they began to fracture and splinter in her flesh. The scrabbling of a hungry hand clawing at her breast and the deep, heavy breathing in her ear was enough to make anyone feel queasy, yet Lily felt nothing.  
  
Then at some point the atmosphere changed. To Lily, life had become very simple. Past the point of struggling because she had lost all of her strength, she was left with only the truth that she had to get away or die trying. Pulling up her last reserves, she twisted, not even feeling the searing pain of her arm snapping behind her back, and attacked Lucius. Taken by surprise, he fell backwards onto the floor and defended himself as best he could from the blows being reined upon him.  
  
"Lily!" someone shouted behind her, a noise so barely audible that she accredited it to her imagination.  
  
"Lily! What are you doing?" it came again, this time accompanied by a firm reassuring hand clasping her shoulder, bringing her back down to earth with a thump. She fell away from the blurring, bloody form of the Slytherin, shivering.  
  
"Are you alright?" Remus' face swam into her field of vision and she reached out towards him, her voice full of desperation.  
  
"Please," she whispered gutturally. "Please, the common room. Take me..." Then she fell into a state of complete exhaustion on Remus' arms.  
  
Looking dubiously between Lucius, who was running down the corridor sending menacing glances their way, to Lily, bloodied and with what looked like a serious breakage in her arm. Deciding the arm would wait, her picked her up and carried her off to the common room. It would be best to get a story of what had happened so he could inform Madame Pomfrey properly.  
  
/center  
  
"Lily?" Remus probed gently the next morning. Her eyes fluttered open for a second before closing again.  
  
"Lily, please wake up. I need to know what happened before we got to the hospital wing. That's a bad wound to your arm."  
  
Lily's eyes moved slightly yet she did not stir. Her breathing had altered slightly though and Remus could tell she was awake by the finger on her right hand twitching slightly. He doubted she would be able to move the fingers of her left hand without difficulty. No doubt a night in the nippy Christmas air would have sufficiently stiffened it.  
  
"Nothing happened," Lily said suddenly, startling him. "It doesn't matter."  
  
"Nothing happened?" Remus asked, slightly sarcastic. "No, it doesn't look like anything happened."  
  
Lily cracked open an eye and looked down at herself, her robes crinkled from sleep, her wrist bruised and red. Her left arm, bloody and slightly abnormal. And painful. She winced as she started to move it and thought better of it.  
  
"Okay, so maybe something happened." She looked up at Remus, tears glimmering in her eyes. "If you promise not to tell a soul, I'll let you take me to the hospital wing."  
  
Remus smiled reassuringly and took her hand. "Cross my heart and hope to die."  
  
/center  
  
Sorry I haven't posted in so long, and sorry this chapter is so short.  
  
*sigh* you know what.... I'm sorry for everything! Sorry, sorry, sorry, lol.  
  
Please review... Flames, criticisms, suggestions, whatever :) 


	7. Distrust

  
  
I'll Cry These Tears  
  
Chapter 7 – Distrust  
  
"Remember your promise," Lily reminded Remus grimly as they waited patiently for the carriages to finally reach the castle. The first of the carriages carrying students to Hogwarts from the station had began appearing round the corner some ten minutes ago.  
  
And, for the first time in her life, Lily saw what she thought looked like genuine regret shine in Remus' eyes.  
  
"I mean it, Remus," she probed gently. "You promised not to say a word."  
  
"That I did, Lily," Remus answered her bleakly. "And I genuinely wished I hadn't."  
  
Alarmed, Lily tore her eyes from the nearing carriages to look Remus in the eye. "I-I'm sorry that you had to bear this on your shoulders, Remus. I really am." Tears filled Lily's eyes and she turned away for a second before continuing. "I really wish that I could take it back, somehow. But I can't, and you mustn't tell anyone!"  
  
Remus seized Lily's shoulders and pulled her in for a hug. "You have nothing to worry about, Lily. I had no intention of breaking my promise. None at all." He held her at arms length away and brushed a lock of amber streaked hair behind her ear. "I just wished that I'd never made the promise, is all. Dumbledore deserves to know and Malfoy deserves to be punished," Remus finished, malice entering his voice as he glared over Lily's shoulder.  
  
Lucius Malfoy was standing no more than 30 yards away, watching the slow progress of the carriages towards the castle; awaiting his own friends to join him. Every now and then he glanced over at Remus and Lily, making Lily on edge and Remus extremely incensed.  
  
Remus pointedly glared at Malfoy, who simply smirked back in a vexatious manner. At that moment, the first horseless carriage pulled up and emitted several squealing and excited second years, running to greet their comrades who had been left behind over the break. Carriage after carriage arrived at the front steps of Hogwarts, dumping their loads and trundling away. Lucius and his friends disappeared after about four carriages had dropped off students, and Remus and Lily waited in a fair bit more ease until the very last carriage pulled up and the door swung open.  
  
"Lily!" Amelia cried, running up the stairs and hugging Lily with bone- jarring force. "Why on earth did you stop writing me?" she questioned heatedly, and Lily didn't get a chance to thank Remus for keeping her company over the break as Amelia dragged her into the hall, talking animatedly.  
  
"So," Sirius chuckled, waggling his eyebrows as he watched Lily and Amelia walk away, arm in arm. "What was it like, having Lily to yourself for the whole holidays?"  
  
"I was interesting," Remus replied, somewhat subdued.  
  
"Interesting?" Peter repeated, dubiously. "Sometimes your kind of interesting is a lot different than ours!" James laughed and inclined his head towards Remus.  
  
"Did she keep you locked up in the library all Christmas?"  
  
"Actually, no." Remus smiled wryly at James. "It was the other way around. I dragged her down there almost everyday."  
  
Sirius seemed to notice something distracted about Remus, and was about to question him as they sat down but was cut short by the sound of Dumbledore clearing his throat.  
  
"Good evening!" he greeted them cheerfully. "I trust you have all had an enjoyable and rested Christmas break?"  
  
There were a few nods of agreement, choruses of 'yes' and 'quite', yet both Lily and Remus remained quiet and restrained.  
  
"Good, good," Dumbledore continued, his bright blue eyes twinkling behind his half-moon glasses. "Rested enough for some good hard work on Monday?"  
  
Again, there was a mixed reaction. A few yes's, quite a few 'oh, I don't know's' and the occasional bold student shouting their protest. Dumbledore chuckled. "Well, enough of this meandering. Dinner, everyone, is served." And with a wave of his hand, it was.  
  
Sirius instantly jumped to attention, grabbing anything and everything that he could reach and piling it on top of his plate. When he was satisfied with his plunder he looked about the table to see what everyone else had decided on, hoping that he had not missed anything.  
  
Eyes coming to a rest on Lily's almost empty plate, he looked at it dismally. "Surely," he said, waving his hand at all the food, "you can do better than that? In light of the occasion?"  
  
"What occasion?" Peter chuckled, sneaking the sprouts that Remus had insisted he eat onto Sirius' more than full platter.  
  
"Why, Sirius Black's homecoming, that's what!" Sirius replied heartily, puncturing one of his roast potatoes with his fork and stuffing it into his mouth whole.  
  
James rolled his eyes. "That seems like a reason not to celebrate if you ask me."  
  
"Well," Sirius retorted bitterly and glaring at James across the table, "No one did ask you, did they Prongs?"  
  
A silence crackling with suppressed laughter passed and Sirius smiled smugly. "No, I thought not." He turned pointedly back to his meal and looked at it in dismay. On it, in addition to what had been there before, Sirius found six sprouts, two large bits of pumpkin and a large of mashed peas. He looked suspiciously at Peter who was sitting on his left, looking completely innocent. Lowering his eyes to Peter's plate, he took in the lack of anything except mashed potatoes, shepherds pie and a delicious looking casserole that Sirius had obviously missed.  
  
Sighing loudly, he stabbed each of the sprouts in turn, flicking them as far as he could in the direction of the Slytherin table and not even bothering to check if they had hit their targets. Next, he began on the pumpkin. Mashing it up a bit, he proceeded to pile it onto the biggest spoon he could find and projectile that to the Slytherin table also.  
  
Finally, he began to scoop up the mashed peas expertly, suggesting that he had done this many times before. Turning in his seat to aim this, also, at the Slytherin table, he realized far too late as he pulled the spoon back and let it go, that one fuming Professor McGonagall was standing right in front of him.  
  
"Oh! Professor! I-I- you gave me a fright!" This didn't seem to please the Professor overly much, and she continued to glare as she reached up and wiped the mashed pea from her spectacles. The Gryffindor table was completely hushed. "I-er, you gave me such a fright that I accidentally let go of my spoon... it doesn't stain," he added consciously, eyeing her pea- splattered robes dubiously.  
  
Professor McGonagall nodded curtly. "And I suppose, Mr. Black, that these boys also gave you a fright," she said, moving to the side and revealing six or seven Slytherin boys, "causing you to projectile items of food across the room?"  
  
Sirius, going red in the face, took a closer look at the boys. They all seemed to be covered in some form of sprout, pumpkin or gravy. Peter and James were desperately trying to keep quiet, holding onto their sides as their faces went bright red and their eyes watered with the effort. Even Remus had an amused look on his face and a red tinge in his cheeks.  
  
"Uh," Sirius said, floundering for some excuse. "What if I said it wasn't me?"  
  
"Not going to work, Mr. Black," McGonagall said blandly, a twinkle of amusement in her eyes. "Come with me."  
  
"But--" he looked down at his almost full plate and the yummy looking casserole he had yet to try.  
  
"Not today. You brought it on yourself." She tapped her foot impatiently and glared. "Now, Mr. Black!"  
  
He got up reluctantly and looked sadly at all the food begging for his attention. Walking down the table towards the back of the hall, he quickly grabbed a large stick of French bread and skillfully dipped it into a first years' plate of shepherd's pie on his way. "Thanks mate!" he called back as the first year looked at his plate, not quite sure whether to be dismayed or amused.  
  
"You'd think that he hadn't eating in months!" Amelia commented in-between fits of giggles.  
  
James agreed, drinking deeply from his pumpkin juice. "I feel sorry for the poor sod. He's going to have to endure at least a weeks worth of detention for splattering McGonagall with pea mash on the first day back!"  
  
Amelia and Remus laughed heartily, but Lily didn't join in. She was trying to enjoy herself, but the picture of Lucius Malfoy covered in pumpkin and looking as menacing as he had that night some weeks ago was haunting her. And knowing her luck, it would haunt her tonight, in the confines of sleep.  
  
"Lily, what's the matter?" Amelia asked, watching the pain in Lily's eyes. Instantly, Lily guarded her look, denying anything was the matter.  
  
Deciding that she didn't much feel like being on the receiving end of any more puzzled or sympathetic glances, she stood up and announced that she was tired and going to retire.  
  
"But you've barely touched your dinner!" Amelia protested, waving at the almost untouched food.  
  
"I'm too tired to eat, Ames. I promise I'll eat in the morning."  
  
"No, you should eat now. You look thinner since the last time I saw you. You need to eat something to keep up your energy."  
  
Lily gave an exasperated sigh and tried to argue, not getting very far.  
  
"If she says she's tired, then she probably knows what she's talking about," James said, coming to her rescue.  
  
"'She' is the cat's mother, Potter," Lily snapped, getting annoyed. She wasn't a damsel in distress. She didn't need some knight in shining armor to rescue her and could fight her own battles. And she said so. "I can fight my own battles, Potter. I don't need your help!" Then she stormed off out of the hall, Amelia hot on her heels.  
  
James sighed loudly. Looking at Remus, he said, "You know, sometimes I just don't understand women."  
  
Remus chuckled light heartedly. "You and every other male in the universe, mate. You and every other male."  
  
"But at the end of last term she was actually civil to me. I thought I was finally getting somewhere!" He pushed his food around on his plate. "I just don't see what could have happened over the holidays that changed her mind."  
  
"A distrust in the entire male species?" Remus asked blankly, before realizing that he shouldn't have said that.  
  
"What are you talking about, Moony?" James asked, looking at Remus, puzzled.  
  
"Nothing," Remus replied, a little too quickly. He wasn't good at lying to his best friends. "I mean, well, my minds preoccupied with something else. I was just rambling."  
  
James looked at Remus skeptically. "Remus," he said, "you've never just 'rambled' in your life. What's going on?"  
  
"Nothing at all's going on, Prongs. Maybe Lily's just afraid that your relationship is changing into something more friendly after all these years. You must remember that she is probably used to being snarky and mean to you. It's hard to overcome basic instincts that you are used to, and it scares her that things are changing."  
  
"Yea, you're probably right," James agreed, turning back to his plate. Remus smiled proudly at his own inventiveness. Boy, was he good.  
  



	8. Good Old Peeves

"What in hell do you mean 'just leave it'?" Amelia asked, incredulous. "You mean you're going to let that sod get away with what he did? I can't believe you!" Amelia jumped up from her bed and stormed over to Lily, looking as if she wanted to shake sense into her.  
  
"Well you better start believing me, Amelia, because I'm serious!" Lily turned to face Amelia properly, administering Amy a 'I will do what the hell I want' kind of look. "You think I haven't thought about all this before? I realize that letting him get away with it is not a good thing, but what else can I do? I've had two weeks to mull over what I was going to tell you when you arrived, hoping that whatever I chose to do you would support me!"  
  
"I do support you," Amelia grudged. "I just don't rate your methods of dealing with it though. You can't just let him get away with it. Doing that will make him think that he can do it again without consequence."  
  
"He knows he won't be able to do it again, Amy." Lily sighed resignedly. "I just don't see the point in telling anyone. He won't do it again, it will only cause me to be the talk of the school, boys will be afraid to look at me again, I will have earned the Malfoy family as an official enemy and I would have ruined Malfoy's chances of ever becoming something... well... decent."  
  
"You really have thought about this?" Amelia asked, concern troubling her eyes.  
  
"A lot."  
  
"And Remus knows your decision? And agrees with you?" she questioned further, delving deep.  
  
"I don't know if he agrees, but he accepts that is my decision."  
  
"Well," Amelia looked thoughtful for a second before nodding. "I suppose I support your decision too." She turned to leave the room but stopped and looked over her shoulder at Lily. "Just don't expect me to pretend I don't know what happened when he's around. He needs to realize that we have an advantage over him now, one wrong move and we could ruin his life."  
  
Lily shivered at the malice in Amelia's voice as she walked out of the room. She was glad that Amelia had understood, if only fractionally, but the idea of Malfoy being at her mercy was something that made even Lily pity him.  
  
"So how were the holidays with Remus, Lily?" James asked Lily as she sat down on the other side of the table the next morning.  
  
"What does it matter to you, Potter?" she snapped, picking up a piece of toast and coating it in beans.  
  
James looked flustered and then glanced at Amelia who simply shrugged in response. "I... uh... well, I was just wondering."  
  
Sirius chuckled into his hot chocolate, thoroughly enjoying James' embarrassment.  
  
Getting up from her chair, apparently disgusted, Lily glared at Sirius. "I don't know what you're laughing at, Black," she said, pulling a spellotaped piece of paper from his back and throwing it to Peter as she walked past. She heard Peter's guffaws of pleasure as she walked out of the hall and to the owlery where she planned on spending some time with the owls.  
  
"You do realize, Mudblood, that if you or Loopy tells anyone else about what went on in that corridor, I will have to kill you." Lucius stepped out of the shadows in the deserted hallway and Lily cured the castle. There were just too many empty, brooding hallways where students like Malfoy could harass students like her.  
  
"I can assure you, Malfoy, that your threat is not in any unexpected or frightening." Lily faced him confidently but found it increasingly difficult to keep her voice from wavering. "If I wish to tell anyone of what you tried to do to me that night..." she trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.  
  
"Ah, Ms. Mudblood, it would appear that you are not entirely over the effects it seems to have given you," he smirked, drawing ever closer and making Lily take an involuntary step back.  
  
"Would you care to repeat the earlier statement of how I do not appear to frighten you?"  
  
"I... That wasn't what I said," Lily retorted, feeling sick. Backing up faster she was dismayed to find herself against a wall. Cursing loudly, she searched frantically for any other students around that might be able to help her if need be but there was no one.  
  
"Tell me, Mudblood. Does being in another deserted corridor with memories of what ensued after our last meeting terrify you even more?"  
  
When Lily didn't answer, he continued. "Can't you feel it? No... I suppose not. You have never terrified someone enough to feel it, to feel the power radiating from their fear."  
  
He stepped closer and brushed Lily's cheek ever so softy, making her shiver in fright. "Don't you see, Lily? The power, the control, it's all caused by fear. And I can invoke a kind of fear in you that I never thought possible."  
  
Lily swallowed loudly and shut her eyes. She wasn't sure that she would be able to fight him off this time, the memories of the last occasion still vivid in her mind, taking away her sanity and any sense of self control that she might need in order to escape.  
  
"The power you give me is incredible, Lily," he whispered, startling her more when he called her by her first name. "It satisfies my thirst but yet, it makes me greed for more..."  
  
"You're disgusting, Malfoy!" Lily spat, revulsion in her voice. "You make me sick, did you know that? How a person like you can live with yourself is totally beyond me!"  
  
"A lot of things are beyond your understanding, Mudblood. Very little is beyond mine." He moved closer, his cold breath brushing her neck as he talked. "I understand exactly what it is that makes you tick... I know so many things about you, Mudblood, that you would never sleep sound again if you knew."  
  
"Why, Malfoy?" she questioned acidly. "Why me? Why... why this?"  
  
"Because I can. I can and I will. I take my pleasures out of scaring you witless, Mudblood. Call me sick and twisted, but at least I am enjoying myself, living life. You? You sit around and slave over papers and assignments that will mean nothing when you leave these walls."  
  
Malfoy released her and pushed her hard into the wall. "What are all these excellent assignments going to do when you're cowering before the Dark Lord, begging him not to kill you? What then, Mudblood?"  
  
"Dark Lord?" Lily asked, confused. Regaining her composure, Lily looked Lucius up and down. "Have you gone completely bonkers?" she cried. "Dark Lord? Pleasures? Living life? First of all, I would hardly call getting pleasure out of scaring other students to death something to boast about, secondly--"  
  
"Enough!" Malfoy interrupted, raising his hand to strike her. Shutting her eyes tight and awaiting the inevitable blow that was coming her way, she prayed it wouldn't hurt too much. But the blow never came. Opening her eyes she saw James holding Lucius' raised hand that was now balled into a fist.  
  
Shaking slightly, James turned to look at Lily. "Are you alright?" he asked, his voice gruff and husky.  
  
"I... I'm fine," she whispered, scared that she would have to explain to James what had happened. But he turned away and faced Lucius again.  
  
"If you ever... ever so much as look at Lily the wrong way again, I will kill you." Lucius tried to yank his arm from James' vice like grip but he got nowhere. "Did you hear me, Malfoy?"  
  
"I heard, Potter." Lucius gave one final pull of his arm and stalked away, not looking back at either of them.  
  
"Did he hurt you?" James asked as soon as Lucius was out of sight.  
  
"Did who hurt who?" Sirius asked as he came round the corner brightly.  
  
"Yea, what happened?" Peter continued, following Sirius.  
  
"Nothing," Lily replied a little too quickly, shooting James a warning look.  
  
Remus looked doubtfully from one to the other, giving Lily a curious look.  
  
"Just Peeves," James answered the other two, glancing at Lily.  
  
"Ah, good old Peeves, eh mate?" Sirius commented, nudging Peter and carrying on down the hallway thinking up what Peeves might have done this time.  
  
"Yeah, good old Peeves," Remus added, narrowing his eyes at Lily and James as he and Amelia walked past.  
  
Waiting until they were all out of earshot he turned back to Lily. "Did he hurt you?" he repeated.  
  
"No," Lily replied quietly. "He didn't hurt me."  
  
James looked her over critically before nodding his consent. "We're going to be late to class, we should go." James gripped Lily's hand reassuringly and tugged her forwards but she resisted.  
  
"P-James. Thank you... thank you for helping me."  
  
James smiled gently. "Any time. Now come on, we're going to be late." 


	9. Incompletion

**I'll Cry These Tears**  
Chapter Nine - Incompletion

"Are you going to tell me what was going on then?" James whispered to Lily in the middle of Transfiguration. "And what were you doing wandering the halls alone anyway?"

"I hate to sound ungrateful, Potter, but I believe that is not any of your business," Lily whispered furiously and turned back to her work before Professor McGonagall could utter a word of warning. James frowned before he too turned back to his work.

"Was he insulting you again, Evans?" James asked ten minutes later, getting nothing but a frustrated sigh in reply.

"Evans"

"Just leave it, Potter!" Lily reprimanded loudly, surprising the rest of the class in the relative silence. Looking sheepish, Lily turned and muttered a quiet apology to Professor McGonagall before ushering James a look of loathing.

"Whatever is the matter with you?" Amelia asked Lily as they finished the last lesson of that day, Lily having been in an incredibly bad mood the entire time.

"Nothing's the matter," Lily snapped, looking chagrined. "I hate it when people assume something's the matter when, on the contrary, everything's just bloody fabulous!" Lily fastened her pace, eager to get back to the common room, back to her room, back to her bed. But there was no escaping Amelia's unwavering gaze that held a million questions. A million questions that Lily just couldn't answer - not now.

"Either you tell me what's wrong, Lily Evans, or I won't talk to you for another week!"

Lily turned stopped walking and turned to look at Amelia. There was a glint of humor in her eyes and Lily slightly despised her for it. How could she seem so happy and carefree when Lily's world as she knew it was breaking and falling to pieces around her?

Spitefully, she turned back and carried on walking. "Suit yourself then," Lily called over her shoulder and missed Amelia's shocked look. Let her interpret that as she wished, Lily decided. She could shrug it off, the most likely scenario, or she could take offense. Either way, Lily didn't particularly care right at that moment.

Amelia never got the chance to catch up and ask what Lily had meant. Lily had practically run back to the common room as soon as she had disappeared around a corner. She had made it back in record time, ignored James calling her name and sprinted up the stairs two at a time, slamming her door just as Amelia came bursting through the portrait hole.

"Where is she?" she questioned loudly, looking about the room.

"The irate redhead?" Sirius said somewhat devilishly. He nodded his head to the girl's dorms. "Upstairs."

Amelia growled at the back of her throat and launched herself up the stairs, if possible, faster than Lily had.

"What the devil did you mean by that?" Amelia almost shouted as she exploded into their dorm room. No one answered. The only noise Amelia could hear was the chirp of birds far outside. "Lily! Lily, my girl, I know you're in here!"

Amelia stalked over to Lily's closed hangings and ripped them apart, revealing a snoozing Lily. She put her hand down to shake the girl awake only to find that there was some sort of force field. Amelia only chuckled.

"You forget that we learned that in charms together." Muttering some sort of counter spell, Amelia tried again only the force field was still there. "Tricky one," Amelia muttered. "Password. Very good."

She sat there for another hour, much to the chagrin of Lily who was finding it somewhat difficult to keep the look of feigned sleep upon her face when Amelia was swearing in three different dialects. Finally, giving up, Amelia stood up and turned to leave the room.

"If that's the way you want it, I guess I'll see you in a week."

When Lily finally decided to open her eyes and question Amelia's meaning, Amelia had disappeared. Well, bugger her, Lily thought as she laid her head back down and gave into the exhaustion that had been plaguing her for the past week. An exhaustion led by anxiety and anger.

Lily sat up quite a bit later and swore loudly. It would appear, according to her watch, that she had missed dinner completely and Amelia had come and gone, her trunk and belongings were missing.

_Her trunk and belongings were missing?_

Lily rubbed her eyes and jumped out of her bed, the spell she had placed over it disappearing instantly. She scampered to Amelia's bed and lifted up the sheets, checked under the framework and behind the scarlet headboard. Where on earth were all of her things?

Then there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," Lily snapped, somewhat peeved.

"Erm… are you Lily Evans?" A little third year padded into the room, all of her belongings in tow.

"I am," Lily replied, looking at the girl with a perplexed expression. "What exactly is it that you want and what on earth is all that?" She waved at the girls' trunk.

"I… a sixth year told me I had to swap with her. Just for a week though!" she assured quickly as Lily's expression turned thunderous.

"Where is she?" Lily cried incredulously. "That good for nothing little toe-rag! Kicking a third year out of her room for something so petty!"

Lily stormed out of the room, leaving the third year quivering slightly as she pondered what she was supposed to do.

Lily plummeted down the stairs to the third year dormitory and pounded loudly on the door that the third years usually occupied. There was sounds of scuffling inside, a little squealing and a few dull thuds before the door was thrown open and a red-faced third year stared up a Lily from underneath deep brown bangs.

"Can I help you?" she asked primly, shooting a quick glance over her shoulder before turning back to Lily.

"Yes, hello. I'm look for a sixth year called Amelia. Wouldn't have happened to have noticed her around, would you?"

Again, the third year glanced nervously over her shoulder at the large pile of bed coverings that seemed to have accumulated into one corner. Something twitched underneath the comforters before they all flew into the air, a red-faced Amelia stalking out from underneath.

Glaring at the other third years in the room, she hissed, "You're all terrible actors, the lot of you!" before stalking past Lily and down to the common room before Lily could say a word to stop her.

"What on earth do you mean by moving into the third years' dormitory?" Lily demanded as she rushed down the stairs after her, ignoring the astonished faces of James and Peter when they flew past and out into the hallway.

Silence followed Lily's query, which only incensed her more. "Answer me, Amelia! I'm certainly not in the mood to be ignored."

"Oh, the same way I wasn't in the mood to be brushed off earlier, I suppose?" Amelia retorted, whirling around to face Lily, her face a distorted mask of anger and hurt. "I understand you were in a bad mood, everyone has their days, Lily!"

"Then what are you harping on about?" Lily cried, throwing her hands up in frustration. "If you understand then why is there a problem?"

Amelia glared at Lily for a moment. "Just because I understand does mean that I have to like being snapped at." Amelia glared at the fourth year Hufflepuff giving the two girls a wide berth as he moved past before looking back to Lily. "You were awfully rude earlier," she announced, contemplating Lily's reaction. "If there's one thing I can't tolerate, it's rudeness."

Lily considered Amelia's words for a moment before having the grace to look ashamed. "You're right, I was horribly rude to you… But you've had some whoppers in your time too, if I remember correctly." She winced before carrying on. "Even then I didn't move my stuff out of our dorm and announce that I wasn't going to speak to you for a week."

"Well, I did and we're speaking now aren't we?" She smirked at Lily before rolling her eyes. "Goes to show how good I am at staying angry at you, Lily Evans."

"You know," Peter said contemplatively as he watched Lily and Amelia walk back into the common room arm in arm. "I think there's a very good reason that us guys will never understand women."

"Speak for yourself," Sirius laughed and winked at a pretty fifth year on the other side of the room. Peter gave Sirius a playful punch on the arm and glared at him.

"Why's that, Peter?" James asked, only mildly interested as he watched Lily and Amelia sitting beside the fireplace.

"Because even if it were possible, we'd be forever confused. Understand their actions, maybe – but I don't think that males have the mental capacity to understand their reasoning or logic behind said actions."

"You know Wormtail, that might be the smartest thing you've ever said," Remus admitted, pulling his nose out of the large_ Avoiding Anomalies: Charms for Dummies_ textbook long enough to grin at Peter and wink at James.

"Now," Sirius chuckled as he grinned at James, "if only our Prongs here would soak that information in. Then maybe he might give up forever analyzing the actions of one particular redhead long enough to attain a fairly normal pastime that doesn't include partially stalking aforementioned redhead."

"At least I have a hobby that doesn't include trying to get inside half of Hogwarts' female population's pants!" James retorted and Peter watched the exchange in the same manner one might watch a ping pong competition.

"At least my hobby is a lot more promising, unlike your vain attempt to get that girl to like"

"But you have to give him points for loyalty to one thing, Sirius!" Remus interrupted before returning to his book.

"Yes, quite right!" James agreed, attention on Lily now down to a few back glances every couple of minutes. He loved a battle of wits with Sirius. "You skit around like bird, constantly changing your goals and abandoning all expeditions that you may have previously had dreams of completing."

"All my goals are achievable, however," Sirius said quietly. "The matter of whether I bother to complete my goals or not is completely another matter!"

"Yes," Peter chirped, a mischievous look dancing in his eyes. "And according to that pretty blonde in Hufflepuff, you leave more than your goals incomplete!"

**Authors Note:** Hey readers! Sorry it's taken so long to update – stuff to do, people to see. You know how it goes. Okay, really I've got no excuse except for plain old neglect, but please, feel free to make up a more pressing excuse that may lift your impression of me and my lazy self: I'd be eternally grateful.

Or, alternatively, you could just curse my laziness, leave a horribly threatening review and motivate me to write more (please, I'm up for anything that might motivate me more than the snail crawl I got going on right now :P )

Anyway, be sure to click the review button – there's a cookie at the other end sweet smile


	10. Frumpy and Sarcastic

I'll Cry These Tears 

Chapter 10 – Frumpy and Sarcastic

"Lily, if you don't get up, you're going to miss breakfast!" Amelia whined, not wanting to go to down to breakfast by herself. "You need to eat more!"

"Just ten more minutes!" Lily cried, snuggling into her comforter a little more, reluctant to get up and face the world.

Lily had made a promise to herself last night. A promise that she intended to keep no matter what. She supposed that the sudden change in attitude had something to do with the row with Amelia, but either way she realized that she had been acting very out of character lately. Very strange indeed.

It must have seemed so strange to everyone who knew her – she seldom ever let things get her down and was always portraying an image of happiness or even annoyance, though that was mainly towards Potter.

"You've already had an extra twenty!" Amy complained, becoming frustrated. "If you don't get up right this instant I'm going to hex your hair green!"

"You don't know how!" Lily cried, sitting up in alarm, shooting Amy a horrified look.

Amy looked smug. "You don't remember what happened to Narcissistic Narcissa last year, do you?"

"Of course I do!" Lily snapped, repressing a giggle as she remember the look of horror crossing the girls face as she realized she'd walked into breakfast with bright green hair instead of her usual white-blonde. "Surely that wasn't--"

"One and the same," Amelia interrupted, a vicious smile coming over her face as her eyes shined gleefully.

"I'm up!" Lily cried, throwing the comforter off herself and rushing for the trunk at the end of her bed, pulling out some normal clothes and a nice, thick robe. Christmas may have been and gone but winter sure was hanging on with talons.

"Morning Lily," Remus greeted somewhat restrained. "How did you sleep?"

"Excellently!" Lily replied chirpily, almost smirking at the suspicious look Remus cast her way. She sure was in a good mood this morning and he obviously thought that strange after her behaviour the last few weeks.

"Looks like it's going to be a nice day today," Peter announced through a mouthful of toast as he gazed out the windows, a smile shining in his eyes.

"A great day for Quidditch!" James cried, his eyes lighting up excitedly. He looked over to Sirius, enthusiasm screaming from his every pore.

Sirius, however, didn't look half as excited. In fact, he looked downright sick at the idea. Or maybe just plain sick?

"Are you alright, Padfoot?" Peter asked, concern ringing in his voice. Sirius was seldom ever sick and always smiling. Something was seriously wrong with this picture.

"I'll be fine," Sirius croaked, managing a small smile.

"Do you want me to take you to Madam Pomfrey?" Remus asked, putting his spoon full of scrambled egg down. "You don't look too hot."

"Thanks mate, you always know how to make me feel better!" Sirius rolled his eyes and swallowed painfully. "I said I'd be fine. I know you've got that bloody book in your bag, Remus. Had to force it off you last night so you'd sleep."

"What does that have to with anything, Padfoot?" James asked, confused.

"Well, he's wanting to read it, isn't he?" Sirius said impatiently. "And you and Peter want to play Quidditch. No point in wasting time when I'm perfectly capable of walking there myself, is there?"

Remus looked doubtful. "Are you sure, mate?"

"Positive," Sirius replied with force.

Breakfast was finished in silence as the boys all watched Sirius like hawks, almost as if they were scared he'd suddenly fall off his seat.

"So it's settled then?" Amy asked, looking about the other three girls. Lily appeared to be frowning off in her own little world as she watched the Marauders at the other end of the table but both Rose and Jessica were listening intently.

"Quite," Rose agreed, smiling. "We're all off to sit beside the lake in the sun – while we have it, at any rate."

"But what are we going to do down there?" Jess asked, looking perplexed. "I didn't bring anything down with me to do."

"I'm sure we'll find something to do," Amy countered. "What about a girly talk?" she chuckled, knowing full well that no one was up for a 'girly talk'. A talk about Hogwarts Hottest was probably the most likely.

"I suppose," Jess shrugged yet still looked doubtful.

"If worst comes to worst," Rose sighed, playing with her beans, "We can simply come back up and go to the library."

At this, Lily perked up and turned back to the girls. "Merlin! I've just remembered!"

"Remembered what?"

"I ordered a book from Madam Pince last week and she told me it would be here yesterday. I hope she's not angry with me!"

Rose chuckled. "Lily, you're absolutely hopeless. You're also the only girl I know who gets worked up about that snotty little librarian getting angry at you."

Lily smiled wryly. "I can't help it… She really is very nice – if you're willing to overlook the hair, her dress sense and the fact that she really loathes any kind of disturbance at all. Other than that sh--"

"She's an uptight frump!"

"Frump?" Amy and Jess asked together, looking at Rose in bewilderment.

"What in heck is a frump?"

"I don't have time for this!" Lily cried, picking up her things and walking a few steps before turning back around. "I'll catch up with you lot later, alright?"

"I'm awfully sorry, Madam Pince," Lily apologized as the old woman pulled the book out from a drawer behind the desk.

"It's alright dear," she answered, her lips pinched in such a way that you could tell she was really quite peeved.

"I lost track of the time, with school starting and all. I hope it wasn't too much of an inconvenience." Lily carefully placed the book under her arm and looked up at the librarian sincerely. She really did seem quite annoyed.

"It was no hassle at all. Owling in to the Institute of Ravenclaw, sending the galleons for packaging and shipment, signing multiple clauses that would ensure it's safe and speedy return to the institution and of course the multiple inquiries into what it might be used to research for. It was no problem, dear. Please come again next time you need another book."

Lily blinked and then left, slightly perturbed by the annoyance that Madam Pince had shown.

"There was no need for her to be sarcastic," Lily said to herself in the empty corridor. "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit." Then she smiled to herself. Things were looking up already.

"Talking to yourself, Evans?"

Not even Sirius could get rid of this smile. She turned around and flashed her teeth at him. "Looking a bit pasty this morning, Black," she chirped, ignoring the glower he sent her way.

"Who was being sarcastic?" he asked nosily, sending the topic away from his own paleness.

Lily slowed to walk beside him, a gesture that made Sirius blink and worry if her was going insane as well as being slightly sick.

"That frump of a librarian," she answered, smirking at Rose's expression.

"Frump?" Sirius asked, his eyebrows shooting up. "Since when does Lily Evans insult teachers?"

Lily smiled wryly. "Well – first, she started it. There was no need to use sarcasm after I apologized for my tardiness. And second, I don't actually mean it. I don't think I've got it in me to insult a teacher and mean it. Except maybe Professor Trellis. She may be smart but she is also very biased."

Sirius chuckled. Then he realized that he was walking down a corridor with Evans, having a civil conversation _and_ finding what she was saying amusing. He really _was_ sick. But then it took two to have a conversation – maybe Lily had caught whatever he had too?

"Where are you headed?" she asked suddenly, looking up at Sirius. "You really aren't looking your best today. You should go see Madam Pomfrey."

"Actually," Sirius countered, smiling wryly, "I was just on my way there. Do you want to walk with me?"

Sirius couldn't believe it. He'd just asked Lily Evans to escort him to the hospital wing. That was _after_ he'd turned down his best friends' company. And here was where he was going to get shot down. He supposed it was better that she'd say no – he might actually start to like talking to her.

"Might as well," she answered, shrugging. "I've got nothing better to do."

Despite Sirius' earlier thoughts, he found himself quite pleased that she'd agreed to come. Even more pleased when he found that she was even easy to talk to. Maybe she wasn't quite the weed he thought she was originally. And she had a sense of humour!

"You know, Evans," Sirius said as they paused outside the hospital wing. "You're all right."

Lily laughed, her eyes friendly. Or friendlier, at least. "I would have to say the same thing, Black. Sometimes you're actually civil, not the bigheaded, arrogant pratt I always thought you were."

Sirius decided to take that as a compliment and flashed his dazzling smile at her, even if it was slightly dulled because of how sick he was feeling. "I'll see you later, Evans," he said in farewell and watched as she walked off down the corridor before turning into the hospital wing.

After a while sitting in the hospital wing, waiting for Madam Pomfrey to finish the potion she had announced he needed, Sirius decided not to tell James what had happened earlier with Evans. James would either be jealous, angry, or even worse; He'd ask Sirius how he'd done it, when truthfully, he had absolutely no idea himself.

**Author's Note:** Yes, yes, such a long time between updates. I'm sorry. I really am.

I lack the ability to update both here and the other site I frequent at the same time. SO, as it goes, I'm seriously behind in my updating here and still behind updating at the other site, but less so As it goes, over on I'm up to chapter 12 on this story… but oh well.

Again, sorry, I hope you liked the chapter. I'm looking to go back and edit this fic, so be aware of that. Thanks!


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